Sunday, February 14, 2010

Honor the Sacred Bond

Dear Anjali,

Last night--or should I say very early this morning--I came frustratingly to appreciate the special and sacred bond between mother and child. I wanted so dearly to give your mommy the opportunity to sleep after a long day and a good number of feedings. It was around 6 AM, which seems to be the time you are most awake and like a wiggly worm (between the hours of 3 and 7 AM). So I tried my many ways of making you comfy and consoling you, hoping you might also get some sleep. I held you close, I bounced with you on the ball, I sang to you, held you skin to skin wrapped in a blanket, I swayed with you, I put on Amrita, one of our favorite albums on the IPOD, I let you lay and squirm on my chest and I even swaddled you and shushed you.

In the end only one person could truly console you: Your mama. And one particular act--nursing--was what you really needed.

In some ways I was disappointed in myself for not being able to fully comfort you myself, which is ridiculous really. What I should be disappointed in is my inability to respect the sacred and special bond between mother and child. This, of course, does not mean that you and I do not share our own special connection. But, after all, Mama carried you for 40 weeks and she birthed you; that created the bond. And mama feeds you; that seals the bond. Of course there are many, many ways that you will bond with your mama and papa, and roles are thankfully not always so clearly defined. But these are basic and universal bonds.

I went to sleep perhaps a bit frustrated and bummed out because I wanted so badly to make you feel better and I just wasn't the person to do it. But I awoke with a true respect for that bond between you and mama. And so I continue to do the things I need to do to help support that--keep her well nourished, hydrated and rested and keep you warm and clean.

I love you and your Mama very much.



Sarah said...

Jeremy...a father-daughter bond may come later chronologically, but it is no less amazing than the mother-child bond. Patience may be hard to come by, but from a daughter who really loves her dad, I can tell you it will be worth it. Anjali is blessed to have such a caring papa!!

TPS-SheilaP said...

Tell me about it!! All we can do is be there to be the extra pair of hands and feet to do all the little things so mama can focus on the precious little angel and get at least a little time to take a shower or (hopefully) a nap. It really helped me to think of this first period as the 4th trimester. The external trimester. :) I think your being there and being a familiar voice and touch and smell is really important though. It creates that nesting feeling for her. That everything is safe and well known. The larger thing that is being created and strengthened is your family bonds. Learning to trust and fully rely on each other as you care for your sweet little Anjali. Just as she learns to trust and rely on you both for everything. Such a magic moment in the family's life. I am really feeling like it is crucial to creating a strong over all family connection for life. I'm glad to know other folks living this journey with us. Go Team Anjali!!! Love, Radha

Anonymous said...

Jeremy and lovely, magical and sweet pictures! Your little princess seems quite happy and bonded with you! Have no doubts..keep doing what you are already doing,everything has its time. you are very caring and wonderful papa and Anjali is blessed to have such a loving Dad. Love Y